Mike Carp

Sometime last year I decided I wanted to get better at drawing portraits.  I came up with a sketching exercise where I clicked on a random mug shot from a collection I have culled from the archives at TheSmokingGun.com, and then tried to draw whatever popped up.

Mug shots make great reference material for practicing portraits. They provide a clear view of a person’s face, while the whole I-have-just-been-arrested aspect provides a range of facial expressions that you rarely get from other photographs.

This one here isn’t the most exciting mug shot, but whatever.  As for the drawing, you’ll see from the hair and the skinny neck that I gave up on trying to get a photographic likeness and just decided to make it more “stylized”.  That is a nice way of saying I got frustrated and impatient and just decided to finish it.  If something isn’t quite right, I can just say, “Yeah, I meant to do that.”

Works every time.

Man, why does this alien have to be such a jerk?  We all agree, don’t we?  Psssh…with his attitude and his grotesque, bulbous cranium, he’s lucky we even let him eat our earth pigs.

Apparently a sasquatch is much less intimidating without hair.  And shorter, too.

I found a notepad that is full of meeting minutes and other snooze-worthy items.  I won’t be posting any of that to the blog (that would be frowned upon), but I will be posting the precise moments where my concentration broke down and reverted to something else.  In this case, dancing vegetables and a futuristic ape that sort of looks like Dan Rather.

So, you spaced Valentine’s Day again.  Don’t sweat it!  All will be forgiven next year when you surprise her with the gift of a lifetime: an adopted zombie orphan.

She won’t even remember what jewelry is once she witnesses the precious spectacle of a little zombie tyke mindlessly chewing a couch cushion to pieces.

Introducing my least favorite LOST character: Jack Shephard.

Despite being the leader and one of the foremost protagonists of the show, Jack is just a wet blanket as far as I’m concerned. I’m not that interested in his stories, and his primary function seems to be to contradict everybody.

Example:

Rose: “Jack, we are baking a cake for Hurley’s birthday! Do you know where the Dharma Initiative eggs are?”

Jack: “It doesn’t matter.”

Or Jack could also respond in this manner…

Jack: I’M NOT TELLING YOU WHERE ANY OF THE EGGS ARE UNTIL YOU RELEASE MY FRIENDS!

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UPDATE 5/7/10:  It only took 5 1/2 seasons, but I think Jack has finally mellowed out.  He’s cool now.  So now my least favorite character would have to be: Widmore’s lady stooge.  You know…the one with the glasses.  What is HER deal?!?!

Let’s all take a trip back to the summer of 2008.  Back then, the country was sharply divided in the midst of a tumultuous presidential campaign; yet we all united when we fell in love with the decomposing remains of a dead animal.  If you are not familiar with the Montauk Monster, a brief visit to wikipedia will cure what ails you.

Above is an idea I had for the holiday season: Montauk Monster the Snowman. The story involves two brave children who find a mysterious carcass on a New York beach.  They place a magic top hat on his head and - voila! – he springs to life!  He then takes them on magical adventures and teaches them how precious life is.

Remember the Moustache Cyborg?  Well, in contrast to his esteemed bionic colleague, this fellow is comprised of all organic, fleshy tissue.  That is, of course, with the exception of his mechanical, bionic moustache.  He is the Bizarro Moustache Cyborg!

If the two cyborgs were to encounter each other, I’m not sure if they would be staunch allies or mortal enemies.  But if they did turn out to be enemies, I would like to think their epic battle would still be rather pleasant and refined in some way.

I say!